Funny of the day

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Viper53, Jun 9, 2017.

  1. Viper53

    Viper53 Pawpaw Staff Member

  2. Viper53

    Viper53 Pawpaw Staff Member

  3. RickN

    RickN God of brass.

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  4. Mac

    Mac Shootist

    ^ ROFL! :rolling2:
  5. Jack

    Jack Fearless Leader Staff Member

    Can't wait to hear what name he chooses. I'm thinking Mercedes, maybe Porsche. Something flashy no doubt.
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  6. Mac

    Mac Shootist

    Maybe Rosie?

    You know... Rosie the Donald. :D
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  7. Jack

    Jack Fearless Leader Staff Member

  8. Viper53

    Viper53 Pawpaw Staff Member

    That ain't right. But it is funny.
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  9. Viper53

    Viper53 Pawpaw Staff Member

    [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]
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  10. Viper53

    Viper53 Pawpaw Staff Member

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  11. Mac

    Mac Shootist

    A few Rodney Dangerfield one-liners...

    My wife asked me to take out the trash. I tolder her I'd already took out the trash. She told me to go out and watch it.

    A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over, nobody's home." I went over. Nobody was home.

    I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

    I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
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  12. Mac

    Mac Shootist

    A few more from Rodney Dangerfield...

    I was such an ugly baby. My mother never hugged me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.

    I'm so ugly. My father carries around a picture of the kid that came with his wallet.

    When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through."

    I'm so ugly. My mother had morning sickness AFTER I was born.
  13. Viper53

    Viper53 Pawpaw Staff Member

    [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]
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  14. Mac

    Mac Shootist

    The last of my Rodney Dangerfield collection... :cheers:

    I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

    Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide."

    My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

    I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look in the mirror, I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said, "Well, your eyesight is perfect..."

    I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

    With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.

    My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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  15. Mac

    Mac Shootist

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  16. Viper53

    Viper53 Pawpaw Staff Member

  17. SoonerP226

    SoonerP226 Playing Pinochle

    Dear Miss Manners,

    I'm having a dinner party, and I'm concerned that one of my guests may be a vegan. How can I find out?

    Concerned in OKC

    Dear Concerned,

    Don't worry, they'll ****ing tell you.

    Miss Manners
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  18. Viper53

    Viper53 Pawpaw Staff Member

    [​IMG] [​IMG]
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  19. Viper53

    Viper53 Pawpaw Staff Member

    Last edited: Aug 12, 2017
  20. Mac

    Mac Shootist

    Here are some interesting interpretations of nature from test papers and essays submitted to science and health teachers by junior high, high school, and college students around the world.

    "When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire."

    "H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water"

    "To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube"

    "When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide"

    "Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water."

    "Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars."

    "Blood flows down one leg and up the other."

    "Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration."

    "The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader."
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